Feathers in Her Hair

Perhaps the rage will subside and when it does, it will take my soul with it? Perhaps I am done crying hallow tears over festering wounds I lick open.
Perhaps I have finally reached a point of "reality" that will transcend this universe and all that is wasted time and space filled with useless cruelty of mankind in it.
Perhaps it's no longer about wasted love and martyrdom? Perhaps it's not about the self pity and sulking in the "what could have been"?
Perhaps all happiness resides in the memories we had as children, when things were simple and the air seemed fresher.
Perhaps it's there I should reside, incoherent, with feathers in my hair, sitting upon high as a Goddess of all woodland creatures. Running through meadows kissed by the sun, filled with childhood laughter echoing through distant times and a male companion that only saw me as the center of his universe. There in Vienna, among ivy covered castle ruins, we lived an honest life and believed honest things, loved for all the right reasons because we were children.
Perhaps being an angel with no purpose but to remember those sweet moments is my destiny. I will paint my face and call to the wild with feathers in my hair and ignore the Empires I could have at my command.

Perhaps here I don't need to be rescued from the "madness". Perhaps the only reason I would want anyone to suck the venom from my veins is to feel their warm lips on my wound.

Walking dichotomies, such we are.

Heavy

No need to say more.....

I Want Your

I want your love
I want your disease
I want you open mouthed and on your knees
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love

I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want you leather-choked and cuffed to my hand
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love

I want your horror
I want your design
Naked in bed
Long as your mine
I want your love
Love-love-love

I want your psycho
Your vertical kiss
I want you in my bed
I'll make you sick
I want your love

J'veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revenche
J'veux ton amour
I don't wanna be friends
...

Do You Remember Your First Love

If

"If you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything."

So cliche, perhaps...but the reason we hear it so often is because it's true. It's seems everyone needs a code to live by. Rules to keep us focused on what is real in life so that our "reality" is on a self realized level. The "next level" as someone told me not too long ago. What is the next level? I don't know, but I am sure that it would have something to do with selflessness and devotion and some interplanetary explosion of emotions. Something grounded, realistic, and tangible, which at the same time is so uncommon in this sad world of ours. Something profound and simple. Why do people complicate every breath?

So what do you stand for? What is your moral code? Do you follow it or do you like the way that the words sound and make you look when they fall from your lips?

Kick the Habit

It hurts getting punched in the heart
Pain throbs with every realization that those that use me are vile.
You are all the same: the cheaters, the liars, the players.
All of you; don't differ.
All of you; take what you want and leave fully aware of theft.
Why would you take something that is vulnerable and honest and beat it to a blood mess?
What kind of man are you?
Do feel like a man now? Feeling like a real man for putting another notch on the old bed post? Leaving another woman bitter.
You think a kiss on the forehead should do it? That you can walk away and it will all disappear? That women evaporate into thin air when you've had your fill. Convenient.
Or is it some hidden reason stemming from a pure secret intention not yet known? I doubt it. I highly doubt that a "When Harry Met Sally" moments exist in your mind. Maybe one day when the over processed bleach blond with a cheap over priced, C/LV/CC plastered all over her accessories leaves you, will you figure out she was a shallow barbie with an expensive degree? Or the over ambitious tramp cheats on you, like she did on her last guy, will you call me up and realize what you had? The Black Swan is what you boys want. It's always the Black swan.
Right, the one that was just a good honest person that loved with no strings attached, she isn't your cup of tea. It's the chase that excites your DNA.
Getting punched in the heart. It hurts.
Once again I am morally superior. Once again I look to the "paradoxical commandments". Once again I flip the off switch to my heart. Why have one anyway? Perhaps I need a new approach. I need to stop paying the electrical company and not just flip a switch.
I'm so out of your league anyway. Just look at me. Read what I write and look at all I am capable of. I am so far out of your league.

Worst Things Beautiful

On the day you were born
The sun filled my eyes
I fell within the wars that rise

What were you here for?
What will you find?
Could I save your life, like you saved mine?

[chorus]
Wait until the morning comes around
Wait for something beautiful
Wait to see if worry turns around
Wait, please wait

I tried to keep you from
Everything that was
So difficult for me

But it makes you strong
When you hurt so long
I'll put it all in faith that you won't leave

[chorus]


Looking up now you see that
Everyone seems so happy
The crooked somehow keep breathing
When you couldn't be so happy

Maybe they just don't know
Maybe we just don't know
Maybe we just don't know

So I'll wake every morning
Wake with the sun
Were the worst things always
The first things to come?
Find a way to move on and a way to be strong
Because some things do change...

Some things come that make
The worst things beautiful

[chorus]


Wait

Undisclosed Desires

This video brings memories of when I shot them at a local recording session in Philadelphia. They brought their own lighting just for kicks and put on an amazing mini concert in what one would call a large garage. Yes, everyone should feel envious of me;) Beautiful boys, perfect, perfect lyrics.

I know you suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothe me
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

CAde ...

you can be my supernova pilot.

Paradoxical Commandments

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Theresa

New Low

The soundtrack to my life.
Cheers.

The Boy with the Huskey

Another mundane day seemed to be unraveling. "Icky Thump" blasting in the car seemed to get my mood into a higher realm of life, I could have said I was happy at the moment just listening to Jack's sexy vocals. I put the left turn signal on at the main intersection that was nothing more than an average ill designed shopping plaza for dollar stores and quick marts that aren't open 24 hours.

While studying the red galvanized steel roof of the plaza I could only think that this light seemed to take forever. A huge Husky started crossing the road before me. In tow, the massive dog was walking his owner. A cute boy in his late 20's or early 30's, hipster garb on, knit hat, a slight beard and bright blue eyes. I'd bet there was a tattoo of some sort inked on under this cool dark green jacket. As the beautiful blue eyes beast continued to drag him in front of my car we made eye contact. I couldn't help but laugh at the site of this handsome man and his dog, and the total lack of control he had over the creature. He didn't stop looking at me. He passed my car and turned his body backwards to keep locked in. Now he was being dragged backwards. I was waiting for him to fall on his ass; he didn't. He made it safely to the other side of the street and stood there on the corner like a little boy watching fireworks. I pulled my car up a bit to get a better look at him. He was standing there and waving at me. Cute grin on his face and staring still. I knew i was turning some shade of pink on my face as i felt heat run up my cheeks. We stood there for a few second, gazes locking in intensely. A few long seconds ticked by like Meg's drum beats. It was a perfect moment. The shortest date I have ever been on, but nevertheless it was perfect. He was perfect, I was perfect. We said nothing and promised nothing.

The light turned green, I had to obey and turn even though I wanted to stand there for a few more moments to see if he had the balls to walk over and be ridiculous. To leave a number behind my windshield wipers and have some crazy Serendipity moment. Nah, we were both too cool and too proud. Maybe we'll run into each other at that cool hipster bar around the corner? Perhaps. This was more than enough, though. Looking in my rear view mirror, I could see him still standing there and watching my car drive away. I waved.

Thank you boy with the Husky.

The Cave

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Umami

The Phantom taste.

umai "delicious" and mi "taste


That flavor most non culinary homosapiens can't put their finger on. The clueless sense that they enjoy it's ability to induces salivation and a furriness sensation on the tongue, stimulating the throat, the roof and the back of the mouth making them drool and come back for more. But the don't know what to call it. Sweet? Sour? Salty? Savory? Perhaps these same mammals don't have the ability to sense what makes a person out of the ordinary. What makes a person physically and chemically connected to the other. They just know they are amused, entertained, simulated, and if life were a Facebook account they would hit "like". In this department we go from Umami to Aura, a luminous radiation that surrounds each one of us. That something that most cannot see nor sense because they are so desensitized and over stimulated by the constant filling of the mind with useless and toxic temporary escapes from reality, life and their spirit.

There is a power so strong for some in connection that they are bound for life, with or without the other half. It's very real, chemical, the phantom flavor of the soul, an invisible thread linking them like satellites. When the night falls and all noise turns into black silence, the static of life subsides and lets our soul wander in our minds, opening doors to the things that matter most; we find it there. The soul-mate we have been searching for yet block by the constant bombardments of human turbulence, the temptation of Neverland always around the corner and the lack to hone in on the things that matter most in life. Walking empty shells we have become, only haunted with the distant sound of the ocean and not swimming in it any longer.

Just standing still, focusing on the moment, feeling energy and strength sit a top your skin and fill a room is more magical than a bar crowded with the opposite sex drooling over nothing more than physical appearance ( not that we mind;). Finding that fifth taste, the mystery of it all, the passion to find it... it stirs only those that want a life that is filled with such joy it can bring one to tears. That sense of overwhelming passion and love that we think of as fantasy and have problems searching for it. It's found in the sounds of silence, the still of traffic lights, the slowness of home cooked meals... the flavor of your lovers skin and your ability to internalize it. To have a life above the rest, to be aware of things that are not visible to most.

Bon Appetit

sunrise

7:13 AM

Treading Water

Head above water; swimming vertically, and feeling every muscle searing with flames with every second that goes by. Seems like eternity is taking it's time. Head above water; I'm still here, I am alive, breathing and surviving in a body of water that will have me if I chose to surrender. Head above water; the pain becomes a form of comfort, a reminder that I will be rock hard when I swim to tame dry land, when I chose to. I will walk out on shore with the mind and body of a Goddess. Every curve strong, seductive, oozing with confidence, strength, and a raw feverish power. My mind will be clear, aware of the survival training that broke me down and rebuilt me into a tank. Baptized in the viscous ocean waters, I am reborn into my new form.

sunrise

7:14am

Little Lion Man

There is something to be said, positive, about a man that can admit that they fucked up. The problem is there aren't many of them.

Rolling in the Deep

Luscious inspiration.

Warpaint