A New War Song

So a new chapter has begun. The tide has turned. It all makes sense. The wheel has started spinning in my head from a steep hill. It's that point in life where you just know what you have to do because the universe desires it of you. It's not up to me anymore but the external force that reaches within. it's grabbed a hold of my gift and love and existence and made it it's own. Molding and grooming me like a mentor for what is the new chapter in my life. This is my new war song.

Life is magical.

Is It Ever Gonna Be Enough?

When do they get their fill? When does perfection and love take over and strength? When will people stop making excuses for themselves? When will they stop leaving room for indulgence of temptation? When will they believe that truth exists and can be found if they find it in themselves first? Will we ever stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? When will men be certain of their character and leave Never land? When?

Fading Into You

Self

I know I cannot make you feel. I know that while you find me attractive you will get your fill and have pointless unemotional sex with some semi attractive girl with no self realization. I know... maybe I don't, does it matter if I think of it? If I haven't the ability to trust in my blood? It's been striped of me. Raped out of my veins. No longer in operation; out of order. Fear fills me at times; trust seems like such a one way street. My approach now has changed; no longer will I stay, or fight like some college girl without a clue. I just leave and evaporate from existence one day never to be seen again. My mind keeps stroking endless revisions like some choose your own ending elementary school book...over and over. One analytical compromise after another. Will it end? Will it ever end? It's exhausting running these mental laps.

Stop.

Surrender

It just doesn't matter anymore. All that is inside of me pants underneath my skin and pushes through. My spirit longs to be free, to fly, and leave these petty scenarios of stupidity behind. Everything in my existence is like a bad rash. If there is a glimmer of hope, I know that it might not last forever. I dream of my beloved one, I dream of forever, i dream of my heart having a home...I dream. I dream. I dream. I dream. I too want to sleep another 300 years. I want to wake to a surreal breath of happiness. I don't want to give others hope that there is a carbon copy of me out there waiting for them when they are ready for something more convenient. Those are the words of death;

" you give me hope that there is someone else out there like you. you give me hope that i can love again. "

I am not your hope. I don't want to hope anymore. I want certainty. I want a clear existence. I want the truth. I want it all. To finally be able to live a life that I had always dreamed of, or at least a close shot to what i would have had if i could have made better choices in life. I'm sick of dreaming. more of this and I would rather never dream again and sleep until this life bored of me. Licking my wounds and fighting my battles is now exhausting... too complicated for words, a rash that has crept under my skin like an eternal fungus.

Mercy... mercy. Let me feel the sun on my skin.

...Taste My Home

The scent of rosemary lamb lifts through the air like native spirits, its intoxicating and nostalgic; the right amount of passion and comfort to stimulate both thoughts of the mother and the lover. You see I know who you are. I know what you desire most of all, I can smell your pulse as you smell mine. I know that you dream of crows in flight, waves of my body and long warm nights in my arms. Our souls met a long time ago amongst the stars, before we were plucked down from the galaxy and sent down to walk this earth. We were put here to search for each other, first scattered and forced to fight and claw through blood, sweat and tears so that we might understand how inseparable we really are once reunited. I know of the intoxication you search for. That dizzying spell that drugs us like the best lilac wine. I know that the scent on my skin will make you salivate. You'll be paralyzed with one touch of my lips, as will I of yours. I know you are rendered powerless by the thought of my silken tongue wrapping around every inch of your core existence. It moves through you like an ocean current. I can see your thoughts at night; thoughts of oral fixation on our spirits intertwined by delicious words, lips drenched with our wet liquor and milken delicacies of our own production. These spells make you reach for yourself so that you might sweetly release. I can hear you dream of the moment when you taste your home on my canvas, I can feel you claim it as yours. I desire you to conquer it, to eat of it daily and have it nurture your body, your manhood, and your existence. Once your find me, touch me and taste me for the first time since our heavenly departure, you will instantly figure that separation for the second time is not an option. We will die without the other from the physical torture of our flesh being ripped in two. It can never be. All the pain, the struggle was all a mental military drill in preparation for the recognition of our earthly form. We didn't remember what we looked like in the heavens, we didn't know which form we would assume here, but we can sense our presence from thousands of miles away. We know we are close, closer than ever before. I know you will find me. I know you will fight so that you will never have to fight to love again. Your river will merge into my great ocean and together will let life swim within us until we are ready to take to the crow covered skies and return to where we came from.

Color Came From the Crow

Not many see the colors in thee
That all make the one
While white is pure
and blue is deep
Black my soul has won

The blind see darkness when there's none
The light will show the truth
The crow has stolen all that's bright
and drank of rainbow's youth

So as she flies o'er head
Her dark wings stretch and grow
The one thing we should take from this
Is that color came from the crow

Possible?

Is it possible that there are men out there that can feel like this? That can shred the soul to tears out of love, longing...
Do these words they feel last forever or is it just an out pour of emotions in a beautiful moment, an orgasm, later to come down from the climax and sink into a mundane reality; that no love is perfect and all love requires sacrifice.

He will only play it when he falls in love with the girl he has been searching for his whole life. He has it all planned out; cook her dinner and show her that he can take care of her, nourish her, in all forms. Then he will take her small hand in his and sit her down on top of him in a chair, her legs on either side of his. While she straddles his body he'll hold her face with his stare for the duration of this song.

"then I would kiss her and tell her I love her with all my heart"

Words to his best friend that knows all there is of each centimeter of his body and soul. Each time after they make love, they listen again together and melt, one into the other, remembering the moment of simple and grand gesture, of truth. His beloved one.

Window

I opened the window and hints of early summer night pushed through my room. The breeze carried you on it. There it whispered images of you sleeping half way around the world; peaceful and content, even if for a few hours. The same breeze that skimmed your hair, your skin, your lips came and kissed mine.
Good morning.

Our Bounce

It's a rhythm we have found in the galaxy above our heads
Two, me and you
The spliced seconds that are ours to share, honest and bare
Secret super nova, I want to walk through your four percent
Venture where no ship has sailed in your dark waters
In 3d I slip my hands through your mind like a surgeon and take hold
They can have the 96 of your book, I want what no one else has had
If you open the door, I will close it behind me, float silently through
Observe and watch, listen, know, hold it in under my ribs
I'll read the volumes on your shelves and place them back so gently
Release you from the dark and lick your wounds with my lilac tongue
Inhale and smell your heart, your fear, your milky way
Would you orbit my world in the raw and step down from the stars
Drive into my tainted sea and find your way home to my constellation
Pull apart grime that resides in my depths and melt into my fortress
Move to my rhythm, feel my pulse run through your lips, rise and fall on my waves
From ocean to sky, merge between the two worlds of waters and heavens
Pulled together, magnetically, naturally, like the ocean and moon
Soon, soon, soon
Like two children meeting for the first time; stop, stare into my eyes, hold my digital hand and surrender to eternity
Forever

Feathers in Her Hair

Perhaps the rage will subside and when it does, it will take my soul with it? Perhaps I am done crying hallow tears over festering wounds I lick open.
Perhaps I have finally reached a point of "reality" that will transcend this universe and all that is wasted time and space filled with useless cruelty of mankind in it.
Perhaps it's no longer about wasted love and martyrdom? Perhaps it's not about the self pity and sulking in the "what could have been"?
Perhaps all happiness resides in the memories we had as children, when things were simple and the air seemed fresher.
Perhaps it's there I should reside, incoherent, with feathers in my hair, sitting upon high as a Goddess of all woodland creatures. Running through meadows kissed by the sun, filled with childhood laughter echoing through distant times and a male companion that only saw me as the center of his universe. There in Vienna, among ivy covered castle ruins, we lived an honest life and believed honest things, loved for all the right reasons because we were children.
Perhaps being an angel with no purpose but to remember those sweet moments is my destiny. I will paint my face and call to the wild with feathers in my hair and ignore the Empires I could have at my command.

Perhaps here I don't need to be rescued from the "madness". Perhaps the only reason I would want anyone to suck the venom from my veins is to feel their warm lips on my wound.

Walking dichotomies, such we are.

Heavy

No need to say more.....

I Want Your

I want your love
I want your disease
I want you open mouthed and on your knees
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love

I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want you leather-choked and cuffed to my hand
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love

I want your horror
I want your design
Naked in bed
Long as your mine
I want your love
Love-love-love

I want your psycho
Your vertical kiss
I want you in my bed
I'll make you sick
I want your love

J'veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revenche
J'veux ton amour
I don't wanna be friends
...

Do You Remember Your First Love

If

"If you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything."

So cliche, perhaps...but the reason we hear it so often is because it's true. It's seems everyone needs a code to live by. Rules to keep us focused on what is real in life so that our "reality" is on a self realized level. The "next level" as someone told me not too long ago. What is the next level? I don't know, but I am sure that it would have something to do with selflessness and devotion and some interplanetary explosion of emotions. Something grounded, realistic, and tangible, which at the same time is so uncommon in this sad world of ours. Something profound and simple. Why do people complicate every breath?

So what do you stand for? What is your moral code? Do you follow it or do you like the way that the words sound and make you look when they fall from your lips?

Kick the Habit

It hurts getting punched in the heart
Pain throbs with every realization that those that use me are vile.
You are all the same: the cheaters, the liars, the players.
All of you; don't differ.
All of you; take what you want and leave fully aware of theft.
Why would you take something that is vulnerable and honest and beat it to a blood mess?
What kind of man are you?
Do feel like a man now? Feeling like a real man for putting another notch on the old bed post? Leaving another woman bitter.
You think a kiss on the forehead should do it? That you can walk away and it will all disappear? That women evaporate into thin air when you've had your fill. Convenient.
Or is it some hidden reason stemming from a pure secret intention not yet known? I doubt it. I highly doubt that a "When Harry Met Sally" moments exist in your mind. Maybe one day when the over processed bleach blond with a cheap over priced, C/LV/CC plastered all over her accessories leaves you, will you figure out she was a shallow barbie with an expensive degree? Or the over ambitious tramp cheats on you, like she did on her last guy, will you call me up and realize what you had? The Black Swan is what you boys want. It's always the Black swan.
Right, the one that was just a good honest person that loved with no strings attached, she isn't your cup of tea. It's the chase that excites your DNA.
Getting punched in the heart. It hurts.
Once again I am morally superior. Once again I look to the "paradoxical commandments". Once again I flip the off switch to my heart. Why have one anyway? Perhaps I need a new approach. I need to stop paying the electrical company and not just flip a switch.
I'm so out of your league anyway. Just look at me. Read what I write and look at all I am capable of. I am so far out of your league.

Worst Things Beautiful

On the day you were born
The sun filled my eyes
I fell within the wars that rise

What were you here for?
What will you find?
Could I save your life, like you saved mine?

[chorus]
Wait until the morning comes around
Wait for something beautiful
Wait to see if worry turns around
Wait, please wait

I tried to keep you from
Everything that was
So difficult for me

But it makes you strong
When you hurt so long
I'll put it all in faith that you won't leave

[chorus]


Looking up now you see that
Everyone seems so happy
The crooked somehow keep breathing
When you couldn't be so happy

Maybe they just don't know
Maybe we just don't know
Maybe we just don't know

So I'll wake every morning
Wake with the sun
Were the worst things always
The first things to come?
Find a way to move on and a way to be strong
Because some things do change...

Some things come that make
The worst things beautiful

[chorus]


Wait

Undisclosed Desires

This video brings memories of when I shot them at a local recording session in Philadelphia. They brought their own lighting just for kicks and put on an amazing mini concert in what one would call a large garage. Yes, everyone should feel envious of me;) Beautiful boys, perfect, perfect lyrics.

I know you suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothe me
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

CAde ...

you can be my supernova pilot.

Paradoxical Commandments

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Theresa