Freedom

There is a freedom and somehow soothing yet lonely thought in knowing that we will be part of the earth in the end. Even if there is no life after this one there is the earths embrace.


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Wicked game

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.

No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you,

No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.





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A ha

We're talking away
I don't know what
I'm to say I'll say it anyway
Today's another day to find you
Shying away
I'll be coming for your love, OK?

Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two

So needless to say
I'm odds and ends
But that's me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry

Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two

Oh the things that you say
Is it life or
Just a play my worries away
You're all the things I've got to
remember
You're shying away
I'll be coming for you anyway

Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two



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Funnel

I've been pulled into the funnel of dreams and memories. Locked in time. Persued by balance and a realistic rational state of desire. Which is suppressing my inner most lust of obsession.

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passion spring

There it was. I thought I found a little leak of substance. Yes, I felt the hole and the leak was there. I could feel the crack in my chest. A stream of warm butterflies fluttering in a single file, around my heart and lungs, through my ribs and out the center of my sternum. The fluttering of the wings beat so hard I felt the waves of warmth spiral up my neck and ring in my ears and then down my arms stopping with pressure at my finger tips. It felt almost erotic to be awakened from a deep, restless and redundant sleep. A lustful few seconds of that perfect dream right before you wake when it's the most real. So good you try hard not to wake up so to make it last longer, to make it your reality instead of a the soulless routine.

The leak was small and oozes only a little at a time. A controlled and thoughtful passage from inside to out. Not too much all at once and not too little. Never flooding or overwhelming as it had when I was younger. Not the flooding gates that where crashed through many years ago. The scars from those floods have healed, leaving only very little to the naked eye. Concealed well and hidden from the general public. Safe and guarded in the layers of epidermis that have grown over them like rich moss over cool rocks. It’s all under the control of a golden lock now. It needs only be touched by the vibrations of melody or words and just enough will trickle out to set the world on fire.

under fog

It came around like a thick, heavy , wet blanket. Invaded my head and fogged all i was and wanted to see. I began to panic. Started to stumble clumsily as i picked up the pace in my head. Frantically looking for what was once something that felt like life... something that felt alive and good and well. Instead my hand grew heavy and that brick in my head started to multiply into what seemed to be a dark burgundy wall. A wall that seems impossible to climb over... a wall i have been at before. The familiar texture reminding me that i had once tried to get over... so close, almost there... almost and nothing. AHhh, yes.. the memories are becoming clearer; it's the story of my life.

Here again? Yes. Here again. Let's just pretend it didn't happen and wallpaper over it completely. I can't, i will fight it again? will i fight it again. this time i will get over, i will move past this ever lasting eclipse. My hand brushed against the brick and clawed in to the small crevice. my nails snapped as i started pulling my weight up. blood. pain. hand by hand, my body ached, my arms shook. i couldn't hold myself any longer... but i did. i stopped and took a breath and sat there in the same spot and looked up. Impossible! the wall didn't have an end. I let go and fell. Fell through all the moments i could remember. Like Alice down the rabbit hole only bleeding and knowing what was to come. My life was full of Mad Hatters that held me up for another cup tea and white rabbits that i chased. i was tired. i didn't want to chase or run or climb or stay for tea with bloody hands... i just wanted to hold my breath.

Take control of the involuntary. i wanted to control my heartbeat, my breath and my every nerve ending. what about this wall? fuck the wall! go in that other direction. you know, the other way. that dark path that everyone is uncomfortable with; reality road. Here's where everything starts to click and fall in place. Places i don't like. That place where you feel raped and naked and completely vulnerable when you know you fucked it all up. That place between embarrassment and guilt that you tucked away in a floor board that is now staring you in the face. Talking to you. Telling you. Wake up.