“lay down. lay down like an animal and wait.”
― Charles Bukowski, You Get So Alone at Times That it Just Makes Sense
A friend of mine posted this quote...i keep thinking of these words time and time again. just wait like a dog. I am there when he wants me there, like that dog. Like that best friend that is left alone for the day, left to wait for his return. Humble, loyal, honest and only waiting. Waiting for that moment of love, that pat on the head, that stroke, a smile. Some form of affection and wondering if he thinks of me during his day, or am i forgotten until he wants to remember.
Some say, true to their ignorance, to stop waiting. You know, those people that float through life without ever needing anyone, loving anyone, seldom feeling so empty and paralyzed. Those people that switch jobs every two or three years and climb the ladder of success and don't really think twice when they change from one bed to another. It's just another bed with different sheets, but it's still a bed in form. Their hair might be different and their tits and ass might be firmer or not, but it's still a hole to stick a dick in. A bland lifestyle without any emotional strings for the most part, the one that nips you in the ass when you turn 40 something and realize that you are a person with no substance, no character, and no one that will hold your hand that you grew and matured with til the end. Ignorance is such bliss on all levels. I don't understand these people that treat others like disposable one time razors. I can't stoop down to their shallow levels of understanding life, art, and psychology. To me it's the equivalent of serving the most gourmet meal filled with beautiful hand crafted food fresh from the farm, just to hear something as idiotic as , "ewwww, I don't know what that is, I'd rather go to McDonalds." I refuse to be associated with emotional retardation as I refuse to be associated with people that are socially part of the ignorant and mainstream. I can't...I'd rather lay down and wait.
So how do you stop waiting for someone that is the only one in the world that makes sense to you. That you genuinely want to see, love, hold and give your whole emotional structure to? Why would i settle again for something lesser than that? Haven't I already treaded down that path just to be left with thorns embedded in the souls of me feet? Why eat poisoned bread and kill your soul slowly? Why not wait for that which makes you full and healthy with love and joy and all that you have dreamed of in companionship? Will I starve waiting for the only person that makes me understand the real meaning of life? Im sure that I might, but it's better than being poisoned everyday without a hope. I'd rather starve hoping that one day I will touch him, smell him, be one with the only person that takes my breath away without the fear of losing him again, and again, and again...
