Sunday, October 23, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The Great Dichotomy
DICHOTOMY
noun, plural -mies.
1. division into two parts, kinds, etc.; subdivision into halves or pairs.
2. division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups: a dichotomy between thought and action.
3. Botany . a mode of branching by constant forking, as in some stems, in veins of leaves, etc.
4. Astronomy . the phase of the moon or of an inferior planet when half of its disk is visible.
I guess it really is all fucking sad. Dichotomy, to me, is the saddest word in the human language. Every last word that is said will have the contradictory action. Why? "I don't know" , would be the cliche response expected from most people that don't want to give anything too much thought. The 99% of people that just do things because they felt like it at the moment and regret it the next day. The "i don't knows" of the world. The walking dichotomies of super foods, yoga, understanding, consciousness, loyalty and everything wonderful in words and easy actions, but the opposite of such in the depths of their heart. The light of the moon and then the dark and twisted area of the same orb. I know this, i fail to understand as life is SO simple to live the right way. I know it is there, the dark in all of us, but reasoning as stands makes no logical argument that has any purpose but to destroy all that is good, pure, logical and beautiful. Why do it at all? why listen to something so primal, instincts that only scar, tear, and make things so difficult to move on from? why? WHY THE FUCK DO IT? Why shit in your own bed? Because you are scared that you might fall along the way to the bathroom?
The division of one soul into two parts that are like oil and water. Constantly touching but never mixing. Aware of each other completely and consciously co-existing for the thrill and excitement. I guess life is more exciting in a war zone of sorts then in peace and harmony. The constant addiction and craving that men have for this "drama" they hate so much and create daily; within themselves and their surrounding.
To:
The fake vs real. The man that lives for yoga retreats and health in such extremes; meditating, sending spiritual blessings to others, aligning his chakras and educating people on the importance of cleansing of the soul. But in reality the 200+ fucks that he keeps stored in his iphone, the porn flick he filmed and is so proud of, and the constant talk of which model pussy he will fuck today is more than anyone person could ever understand or want to. At first his charm and sensibility fool you to think he is a person some kind of moral standard, some really goodness, but in reality it's nothing more than bait. So his parents were selfish fucks that never held him enough, so he was fucking fat ass kid and couldn't get a date in high school. SO FUCKING WHAT ! Lying to women, one by one, working out to masturbate over his own physique, eating an amazing diet because he is to afraid to die, all of it is just one big fucking sadistic joke. Afraid to live a real life, afraid of responsibility, and real satisfaction in it. He is nothing. He chose this life and loves it... he'll love it until one day he contracts aids or something perhaps worse. His light side is a dark farce and you are nothing more than a clown in a crumbling circus. A walking dichotomy from the outside, but in reality this man has only one very sad side. He is trash with no moral or personal value upon this earth. His intellect buried with the likes of his chakras and humanity. He has no soul. How can he? Living only for himself and his ego, he will never understand the meaning of life. Demoting himself to clump of carbon and dna that is more like a cancer on the world. There is no division in his case. No dichotomy. He is aware of what he is and that he does chooses to do in this life. i have no pity on you. His charisma, out going personality, playful wit and lovable appeal are just a decoy to score the next piece of ass, the next chick that will suck his dick. You are a rapist that persuades women into believing you want to love them.
To the boy that likes to play with fire:
This is where the true dichotomy stands. The Peter Pan that speaks of growing up as if it is the very thing he lives for. The family he wants, the beautiful wooden table in the dining room filled with art and the smell of espresso. The promises of "forever" and "you are stuck with me, you have no choice". He was right. I am stuck with him in my heavy heart forever. I can't turn away from the light that he brought into my life.; so real, so intoxicating. The constant consideration, the beautiful gestures, the love in his eyes, the truth and warmth. . . i don't want to let it go.
Peter Pan wants to grow up but can't seem to find his way out of Neverland. A land where he will never be with his true love, the land that injected fear into his soul leaving him powerless to fight. No strength to reach for Tink's tiny hand. No will to correct what has been done wrong, as if some black whole came and stole his heart, burying it under Hell's frozen pound. This cold and lonely Neverland has destroyed my Peter for such a long time. Showing him pictures of his childhood pain and torment, beating his ego into a worthless cunt which can't do anything other but linger in the depths of confused purgatory. Fear stopping him at every exit, " you'll do it again. you are worthless and you will only hurt her. you did what you hate most", and last but not least, " you are worse than those before you whom have kick your Tink into a shallow grave".
I fell in love with a man that showed me what he could be. But he doesn't exist now. It was all a fairytale in my mind. A lovely tale of a boy and girl that fell so deeply in love that they are immortals in a godless world. Perhaps Peter never wanted to leave Neverland? Perhaps he is there at his own free will because the delights are so gratifying in the short term? Why grow up? Why ever grow up when you can have free "delights" on a daily basis? A platter full of temptation. Perhaps the pain and the struggle where all a way to let me down easy? " It's not you Tink, it's me. I'm sorry i have failed you, you don't deserve to be treated this way, so i will leave now." A quick and painless exit without looking like too much of a spineless cunt. I guess that is easier to say than, " I'm not in love with you, but you were a good time. Thanks but no thanks, i have the thrill of better booty to chase and conquer."
I guess... i will never know what lies inside any man's heart. All i know is that he had mine, completely and entirely. I wish Peter would grow up... it must be so lonely to keep running for so many years from his "perfect match". I wish only to see a full moon with light blazing through the galaxy.
the vision ain't never clean when the ego just keeps on feeding
as soon as i stop believing my demons start interfering
begin to act on the meaning
the essence of my whole being gets rusted and so corrupted when life is already pleading
eating
rhetoric is the deeding, the purpose of discovery of your own path getting closer to love
universal law is the only one i can trust
the man made will fade one day I say now
what do we fight for, don't you know things aren't the same anymore
...
...
...
I can see where you and me can be, it's ingression of faith and you can't imitate
i can see where you and me could be , so what we fightin for?
noun, plural -mies.
1. division into two parts, kinds, etc.; subdivision into halves or pairs.
2. division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups: a dichotomy between thought and action.
3. Botany . a mode of branching by constant forking, as in some stems, in veins of leaves, etc.
4. Astronomy . the phase of the moon or of an inferior planet when half of its disk is visible.
I guess it really is all fucking sad. Dichotomy, to me, is the saddest word in the human language. Every last word that is said will have the contradictory action. Why? "I don't know" , would be the cliche response expected from most people that don't want to give anything too much thought. The 99% of people that just do things because they felt like it at the moment and regret it the next day. The "i don't knows" of the world. The walking dichotomies of super foods, yoga, understanding, consciousness, loyalty and everything wonderful in words and easy actions, but the opposite of such in the depths of their heart. The light of the moon and then the dark and twisted area of the same orb. I know this, i fail to understand as life is SO simple to live the right way. I know it is there, the dark in all of us, but reasoning as stands makes no logical argument that has any purpose but to destroy all that is good, pure, logical and beautiful. Why do it at all? why listen to something so primal, instincts that only scar, tear, and make things so difficult to move on from? why? WHY THE FUCK DO IT? Why shit in your own bed? Because you are scared that you might fall along the way to the bathroom?
The division of one soul into two parts that are like oil and water. Constantly touching but never mixing. Aware of each other completely and consciously co-existing for the thrill and excitement. I guess life is more exciting in a war zone of sorts then in peace and harmony. The constant addiction and craving that men have for this "drama" they hate so much and create daily; within themselves and their surrounding.
To:
The fake vs real. The man that lives for yoga retreats and health in such extremes; meditating, sending spiritual blessings to others, aligning his chakras and educating people on the importance of cleansing of the soul. But in reality the 200+ fucks that he keeps stored in his iphone, the porn flick he filmed and is so proud of, and the constant talk of which model pussy he will fuck today is more than anyone person could ever understand or want to. At first his charm and sensibility fool you to think he is a person some kind of moral standard, some really goodness, but in reality it's nothing more than bait. So his parents were selfish fucks that never held him enough, so he was fucking fat ass kid and couldn't get a date in high school. SO FUCKING WHAT ! Lying to women, one by one, working out to masturbate over his own physique, eating an amazing diet because he is to afraid to die, all of it is just one big fucking sadistic joke. Afraid to live a real life, afraid of responsibility, and real satisfaction in it. He is nothing. He chose this life and loves it... he'll love it until one day he contracts aids or something perhaps worse. His light side is a dark farce and you are nothing more than a clown in a crumbling circus. A walking dichotomy from the outside, but in reality this man has only one very sad side. He is trash with no moral or personal value upon this earth. His intellect buried with the likes of his chakras and humanity. He has no soul. How can he? Living only for himself and his ego, he will never understand the meaning of life. Demoting himself to clump of carbon and dna that is more like a cancer on the world. There is no division in his case. No dichotomy. He is aware of what he is and that he does chooses to do in this life. i have no pity on you. His charisma, out going personality, playful wit and lovable appeal are just a decoy to score the next piece of ass, the next chick that will suck his dick. You are a rapist that persuades women into believing you want to love them.
To the boy that likes to play with fire:
This is where the true dichotomy stands. The Peter Pan that speaks of growing up as if it is the very thing he lives for. The family he wants, the beautiful wooden table in the dining room filled with art and the smell of espresso. The promises of "forever" and "you are stuck with me, you have no choice". He was right. I am stuck with him in my heavy heart forever. I can't turn away from the light that he brought into my life.; so real, so intoxicating. The constant consideration, the beautiful gestures, the love in his eyes, the truth and warmth. . . i don't want to let it go.
Peter Pan wants to grow up but can't seem to find his way out of Neverland. A land where he will never be with his true love, the land that injected fear into his soul leaving him powerless to fight. No strength to reach for Tink's tiny hand. No will to correct what has been done wrong, as if some black whole came and stole his heart, burying it under Hell's frozen pound. This cold and lonely Neverland has destroyed my Peter for such a long time. Showing him pictures of his childhood pain and torment, beating his ego into a worthless cunt which can't do anything other but linger in the depths of confused purgatory. Fear stopping him at every exit, " you'll do it again. you are worthless and you will only hurt her. you did what you hate most", and last but not least, " you are worse than those before you whom have kick your Tink into a shallow grave".
I fell in love with a man that showed me what he could be. But he doesn't exist now. It was all a fairytale in my mind. A lovely tale of a boy and girl that fell so deeply in love that they are immortals in a godless world. Perhaps Peter never wanted to leave Neverland? Perhaps he is there at his own free will because the delights are so gratifying in the short term? Why grow up? Why ever grow up when you can have free "delights" on a daily basis? A platter full of temptation. Perhaps the pain and the struggle where all a way to let me down easy? " It's not you Tink, it's me. I'm sorry i have failed you, you don't deserve to be treated this way, so i will leave now." A quick and painless exit without looking like too much of a spineless cunt. I guess that is easier to say than, " I'm not in love with you, but you were a good time. Thanks but no thanks, i have the thrill of better booty to chase and conquer."
I guess... i will never know what lies inside any man's heart. All i know is that he had mine, completely and entirely. I wish Peter would grow up... it must be so lonely to keep running for so many years from his "perfect match". I wish only to see a full moon with light blazing through the galaxy.
the vision ain't never clean when the ego just keeps on feeding
as soon as i stop believing my demons start interfering
begin to act on the meaning
the essence of my whole being gets rusted and so corrupted when life is already pleading
eating
rhetoric is the deeding, the purpose of discovery of your own path getting closer to love
universal law is the only one i can trust
the man made will fade one day I say now
what do we fight for, don't you know things aren't the same anymore
...
...
...
I can see where you and me can be, it's ingression of faith and you can't imitate
i can see where you and me could be , so what we fightin for?
Saturday, October 15, 2011
If i ...
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had, just enough time
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
And I'll be wearing white when I come into Your Kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand
there's a boy here in town says that he'll love me forever
Whoever thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life oh Well,
I've had just enough time
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
what I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts,
I'll sell em' for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
-band perry
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had, just enough time
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
And I'll be wearing white when I come into Your Kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand
there's a boy here in town says that he'll love me forever
Whoever thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life oh Well,
I've had just enough time
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
what I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts,
I'll sell em' for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
-band perry
I must have been wrong
I must have been wrong about it all. I believed every word and hung on to them as if they were the most valuable and rarest commodity on earth. They were. They were promises and words that i have never heard before. Thoughts of love and emotion and logic that were only things i would have dremt of to come out of a man's mouth.
I can go on about it all. The magical energy, the chemistry, the love beyond words, the connection and the senses...the way he knew each thought running through my head by the way i played with my hair. But the sad reality i have to face is a simple one. I try to give myself hope by clinging to his words of love believing that when he said, " my love for you can conquer anything" that he meant it. But... but... but... He's too attractive. He can have any any piece of 19 year old pussy at any moment and does. They wait for him like vultures over a carcass, eying his presence on stage and drooling for attention. They spread their legs for him willingly and gleefully slide on his dick hoping he will message then the next day for more. This trash... this shallowness. This fake attention and dirt. Club to club it's everywhere. How can any man grow up from something like that? how can he want to be with only one woman if he can have plenty of hot young ass at his ever whim and desire. Of coarse it would be hard for him to commit even to the most beautiful, most intelligent, talented creature on earth. How can he give all that up for a life of beauty, light, purity and love. He spoke of it all the time. I was the "one". I was finally what he had been looking for his whole life. I am it no questions asked.
I guess i wasn't enough. My love was more than his love. My looks must have not been enough for him, after all there are so many beautiful woman to choose from. Our common interests were all aligned as perfect as puzzle pieces, our constant talk of art, design, music, coffee, where to live and how next year will be on tour was all intoxicating, but i guess that wasn't enough either. I was just a rest stop for him between shows. Gourmet food and coffee and good sex. An added collection to his on going list of women he fucked before me probably promising them the same. I've been played by a man that says i am the most amazing thing in his life but wants to leave it because he cannot commit. So i have to take it as such. I was used. As i was used by all the men before him. In the same way. I gave those before him my "love" and my services of my talents, my 100% even though i never experienced love as i did with HIM. Yes, i am guilty of giving him my whole soul. I didn't guard it enough. Sadly, i gave it all. I gambled away all my money on a beautiful stallion that gave me the ride of my life and ran out as quickly as he trotted in.
So i rest my soul. I lay it away in a small hole under a beautiful willow by a pond. Where it is quiet. Where no one will hear it cry. No one will hear it weep. I'm done with hearing others cliche statements about how i will find a wonderful man and the sea is full of fish. I only have one heart and i have to draw the line somewhere. My heart is so fragile. So weak. My soul has retired from the constant trampling of love's hooves. I rest it there, in that magical meadow and replace it with a stone from it's pond. It's just to painful to feel anything anymore. Evey thing around reminds me of him ... i don't want to feel joy any more. I don't want to feel love anymore. I don't want to feel hope anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I am just an empty soul, a body filled with organs that continue living without a heart.
Rest in peace my heart.
I use to cry as a little girl when i watched Julia Roberts drive away from her lover. He couldn't commit to her, he wanted his own life after she changed his. I would watch Pretty Woman over and over again. I would cry every time even though i knew he came back for her and that they lived happily ever after.
I never got that ending. My endings are sad and filled with pain. I cry now as i cried when i was 10 when i hear this song.
I can go on about it all. The magical energy, the chemistry, the love beyond words, the connection and the senses...the way he knew each thought running through my head by the way i played with my hair. But the sad reality i have to face is a simple one. I try to give myself hope by clinging to his words of love believing that when he said, " my love for you can conquer anything" that he meant it. But... but... but... He's too attractive. He can have any any piece of 19 year old pussy at any moment and does. They wait for him like vultures over a carcass, eying his presence on stage and drooling for attention. They spread their legs for him willingly and gleefully slide on his dick hoping he will message then the next day for more. This trash... this shallowness. This fake attention and dirt. Club to club it's everywhere. How can any man grow up from something like that? how can he want to be with only one woman if he can have plenty of hot young ass at his ever whim and desire. Of coarse it would be hard for him to commit even to the most beautiful, most intelligent, talented creature on earth. How can he give all that up for a life of beauty, light, purity and love. He spoke of it all the time. I was the "one". I was finally what he had been looking for his whole life. I am it no questions asked.
I guess i wasn't enough. My love was more than his love. My looks must have not been enough for him, after all there are so many beautiful woman to choose from. Our common interests were all aligned as perfect as puzzle pieces, our constant talk of art, design, music, coffee, where to live and how next year will be on tour was all intoxicating, but i guess that wasn't enough either. I was just a rest stop for him between shows. Gourmet food and coffee and good sex. An added collection to his on going list of women he fucked before me probably promising them the same. I've been played by a man that says i am the most amazing thing in his life but wants to leave it because he cannot commit. So i have to take it as such. I was used. As i was used by all the men before him. In the same way. I gave those before him my "love" and my services of my talents, my 100% even though i never experienced love as i did with HIM. Yes, i am guilty of giving him my whole soul. I didn't guard it enough. Sadly, i gave it all. I gambled away all my money on a beautiful stallion that gave me the ride of my life and ran out as quickly as he trotted in.
So i rest my soul. I lay it away in a small hole under a beautiful willow by a pond. Where it is quiet. Where no one will hear it cry. No one will hear it weep. I'm done with hearing others cliche statements about how i will find a wonderful man and the sea is full of fish. I only have one heart and i have to draw the line somewhere. My heart is so fragile. So weak. My soul has retired from the constant trampling of love's hooves. I rest it there, in that magical meadow and replace it with a stone from it's pond. It's just to painful to feel anything anymore. Evey thing around reminds me of him ... i don't want to feel joy any more. I don't want to feel love anymore. I don't want to feel hope anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I am just an empty soul, a body filled with organs that continue living without a heart.
Rest in peace my heart.
I use to cry as a little girl when i watched Julia Roberts drive away from her lover. He couldn't commit to her, he wanted his own life after she changed his. I would watch Pretty Woman over and over again. I would cry every time even though i knew he came back for her and that they lived happily ever after.
I never got that ending. My endings are sad and filled with pain. I cry now as i cried when i was 10 when i hear this song.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Soul mate
My soulmate torn my soul in two
Now I live with half
I yearn that he return to me
On his own behalf
My spirit is half empty
My heart a constant hole
He fit in those empty place
He filled my hallowed soul
I wish he'd understand
That loves not a perfect dance
I wish he'd hold my hand
Give our love a fighting chance
A higher love we were given
But human fear stole his heart
I have faith his path will point
To the heaven that waits apart
For i am here my soul, my love
In same spot like our coffee shop
I wait for your return my soul
I love u like no other, my perfect and pure dove
Now I live with half
I yearn that he return to me
On his own behalf
My spirit is half empty
My heart a constant hole
He fit in those empty place
He filled my hallowed soul
I wish he'd understand
That loves not a perfect dance
I wish he'd hold my hand
Give our love a fighting chance
A higher love we were given
But human fear stole his heart
I have faith his path will point
To the heaven that waits apart
For i am here my soul, my love
In same spot like our coffee shop
I wait for your return my soul
I love u like no other, my perfect and pure dove
Monday, October 10, 2011
Holding Out
He told me that his life had meaning to it now. A reason beyond materialism and success. I believed him. I was never happier. I never will be.
Fear takes over so quickly. As if money, logistics, career choices, all things man-made had anything to do with raw compassion and loyal love. Would he give up the soulmate because of difficultly annoying obstacles created by idiots and the distance between them only retire to an occasional fuck with no soulful connection...
Perhaps it's the fear to move on and grow in life. Start something new. Move away from what is familiar and built up around you. Do what you love but now with the one you love.
No... I can write forever. Spin it a million different ways. Truth is he knows all of it. Intelligence is nothing more than a word in his palm. Perhaps it not fear? Not change and progress. Perhaps it's just desire and effort. Does one desire to work hard for something amazing or will they settle for good enough.
I'd shovel shit til I die just to hold his hand until my last breath. Perhaps it's not successful, appealing, inspirational, nor attractive to most. Some will think it foolish to give up you ambitions for love. I have already made friends with reality and know that my ambitions and successes will never love me back. And if I should fall in love with my ego, I will still be alone. Humble and honest love is the most amazing gift. Sure it would be better to be successful and in love, but really does it work? Success and love? From my experience those that struggle together understand the worth of love. They have over come through hardship and lessons. Those that have it easy get bored and love to them is like that new car they get each year; Replaceable. It becomes nothing more than a tax benefit.
Why hold out? Why complicate that which is plain as day? Why complicate something so natural?
Cappuccino with two sugars in the raw please.
Fear takes over so quickly. As if money, logistics, career choices, all things man-made had anything to do with raw compassion and loyal love. Would he give up the soulmate because of difficultly annoying obstacles created by idiots and the distance between them only retire to an occasional fuck with no soulful connection...
Perhaps it's the fear to move on and grow in life. Start something new. Move away from what is familiar and built up around you. Do what you love but now with the one you love.
No... I can write forever. Spin it a million different ways. Truth is he knows all of it. Intelligence is nothing more than a word in his palm. Perhaps it not fear? Not change and progress. Perhaps it's just desire and effort. Does one desire to work hard for something amazing or will they settle for good enough.
I'd shovel shit til I die just to hold his hand until my last breath. Perhaps it's not successful, appealing, inspirational, nor attractive to most. Some will think it foolish to give up you ambitions for love. I have already made friends with reality and know that my ambitions and successes will never love me back. And if I should fall in love with my ego, I will still be alone. Humble and honest love is the most amazing gift. Sure it would be better to be successful and in love, but really does it work? Success and love? From my experience those that struggle together understand the worth of love. They have over come through hardship and lessons. Those that have it easy get bored and love to them is like that new car they get each year; Replaceable. It becomes nothing more than a tax benefit.
Why hold out? Why complicate that which is plain as day? Why complicate something so natural?
Cappuccino with two sugars in the raw please.
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