I will sneak myself into your pocket
Invisible, do what you want, do what you want
I will sink and I will disappear
I will slip into the groove and cut me up and cut me up

There's an empty space inside my heart
Where the wings take root
So now I'll set you free
I'll set you free
There's an empty space inside my heart
And it won't take root
Tonight I'll set you free
I'll set you free

Slowly we unfurl
As lotus flowers
And all I want is the moon upon a stick
Dancing around the pit
Just to see what it is
I can't kick the habit
Just to feed your fast ballooning head
Listen to your heart

We will sink and be quiet as mice
While the cat is away and do what we want
Do what we want

There's an empty space inside my heart
And now it won't take root
And now I set you free
I set you free

Because all I want is the moon upon a stick
Just to see what it is
Just to see what gives
Take the lotus flowers into my room
Slowly we unfurl
As lotus flowers
All I want is the moon upon a stick
Dance around a pit
The darkness is beneath
I can't kick the habit
Just to feed my fast ballooning head
Listen to your heart

Nobility Lost

There is nothing more devastating in life than to see a noble, wise, and morally superior man deteriorate himself to the dungeons of the immature, pathetic, and lost. The valiant Knight that fought a good war, a righteous war, and a battle of a moral choice, now embraces the same evil that he once fought against. The beautiful man that now, in a time of what should be a solace reflection, chooses self destruction and retires to the pathetic traditions of misogynistic sexist men. Now living only for his "ego" and filling it with emptiness in volume instead of quality, truth, love, and honesty. Running to the frivolous ways of the whorish world where his soul will be hardened and raped with self inflicted battle wounds. Is it the preferred therapy of all men, to lose themselves in adolescence and refrain from being men? Temporarily? Permanently?

I don't care anymore. I can't. Will I always assume men are shallow thinking animals as they proven themselves, with only radiant glimmers of beauty that sparkle and fade like fireworks.

Too Afraid To Love You

Dreams, what are they? Why are they? To torture us? Relieve us? Must they roll in like a thick fog each night and smother my sleep? The time awake that I spend trying not think of you is difficult enough, and yet you follow me still, into the night, along the sands, with the crashing of waves at my bare feet, you stand there before me, in the moonlight. I am there, the fog has rolled in and I have no way to escape but by dawns light. I can feel the soft yet cold breeze brush up against the hair on my arms, on my legs, my bare navel. I stand there naked, feet in sand with the freezing water pulsing against them, washing them deeper and deeper into the sand with each push. I cannot move my feet as you approach me, your eyes filled with the reflection of the moonlight against the ocean waves. At first I tried to free myself of the sand that quickly cemented itself around my ankles but I stopped as I knew that I didn't want to go anywhere. A force was keeping my grounded to where I needed to be; There, in front of you, completely exposed, vulnerable, afraid. You moved with a graceful power, a masculine sweep with a gentle disposition. So thoughtful was the look in your eyes, as if you found a wounded deer in the woods and tried to sooth it. You stopped but inches from my chest and studied my face carefully, reached out your hand and with the back touched the side of my cheek. There was pain there, it was throbbing and hot, an injury I was not aware of. Your gaze then quickly moved away from my bruised cheek and to my eyes, then my lips, and you fingers carefully passed along them. Our bodies so close, yet not touching, produced so much warmth that it was comforting. The warmth was magnetic, intoxicating, surreal. Yet, you never got closer. You stood there silent, arms at your side, and planted in the sand and cold water as was I. The stillness of the moment was polarizing, time paused, the breeze slowed, the ocean hushed itself to listen to our breath synchronize.

I wanted to reach out and touch you back, but i couldn't. My arms were bound by your spell. A force that I didn't know how to conquer. A spell I didn't know how to break. So cruel, so unfair, to be that close and never taste reality. I felt my body ache, my heart burn, the emptiness and sorrow started flooding my veins. My heart pulsed, the mirrored breathing between us was interrupted by my short and rapid gasps of panic. My back was struck by an awesome pain. my shoulder blades were being pulled from my flesh. I tried to scream but the pain stole my voice, it stole my air. You stood there watching, tears streamed down your face, yet you didn't move. You watched as fear spilled it's letters all over you. My hands reached out for you, palms up, pleading for help. Still you didn't move. Some other force was keeping you there watching, tearing you apart, and frozen. Your expression stated changing as my pain intensified to the point of surrender. Looking amazed and bewildered your eyes focused above me. I was too delusional to follow your gaze, my hot tears blurred my vision. I felt the pain to slow as two huge projectiles launched themselves on either side of me. Soft yet powerful, the dark shadows arched ten feet above my head on either side making their presence known. Feathers as black as a crows covered what I identified as wings. I turned my head slowly to take a glance and a shiver ran down my spine and through my new extensions, connecting us. I tried again to reach for you, but i was still constrained. I stared into your eyes hypnotically as the black giants started to slowly move on either side of me and reach towards you. Slowly they engulfed me with their shadow and proceeded to gently warp themselves around your body. We were cocooned in them with only the moonlight peeking through. The cold ocean water stopped pushing into us, the sand released it's grip, our breath started to fill the small space between us as my dark arms tightened their grip.

The fear had vanished from your face, the bruise was gone from mine, and the pain I felt had evaporated though my body and into some other space in the universe. It happened; we touched. Bodies naked and ablaze started warping around one another, hearts pounding like Neptune's cavalry through our blood. Your hands cupping the back of my head as your pressed your warm lips into mine, merging into me, as we levitated over the water. I could feel cold drops of surf kissing my heals. I could feel your never ending grip around my waist, around my back. The emotion was so full, so strong , so real, that only tears could satisfy an outlet. The fear was gone, there was no such word in existence. Had there ever been?

The fog started to roll out, we began to panic as rays of light pierced my eye lids like needles. You started to vanish like air as I resisted to open my eyes.

I want to sleep a million years.

Hands

Every time I look at my hands I wish you were holding them.

The Great Shutdown

There comes a moment when I feel so much, so strong, that I cannot hold it inside any longer. Not without help. A transferable median for my love. These moments happen rarely and might not ever present themselves again in my life, I realize this. Without that median for my transfer and reciprocation I have to withdraw into my icy cave. I am the ice queen: no heart, no pulse, just a pale beauty locked away in a castle made of frozen glass. An ornament is all I am and seek to be. Even drinking has no pleasure anymore. It stirs no emotion other than pain and rejection and I don't wish to feel anything anymore.

Perhaps one day you might stumble onto my castle gate and dare to enter it's frozen walls, turn on the lights and wake me. Take what has been given to you. Perhaps you will never think of my existence again? So I lay here, numb, expired, cold tears unknowingly trickle down my cheeks, as faint images of the ocean surf, warm beach sands, and snowy mountains fog up my tired mind. whoever you are...

I reach for the light switch.

Click.

Hello, it's me. I've come to see you again solitude and emptiness. This is my greatest shutdown.