Too Afraid To Love You

Dreams, what are they? Why are they? To torture us? Relieve us? Must they roll in like a thick fog each night and smother my sleep? The time awake that I spend trying not think of you is difficult enough, and yet you follow me still, into the night, along the sands, with the crashing of waves at my bare feet, you stand there before me, in the moonlight. I am there, the fog has rolled in and I have no way to escape but by dawns light. I can feel the soft yet cold breeze brush up against the hair on my arms, on my legs, my bare navel. I stand there naked, feet in sand with the freezing water pulsing against them, washing them deeper and deeper into the sand with each push. I cannot move my feet as you approach me, your eyes filled with the reflection of the moonlight against the ocean waves. At first I tried to free myself of the sand that quickly cemented itself around my ankles but I stopped as I knew that I didn't want to go anywhere. A force was keeping my grounded to where I needed to be; There, in front of you, completely exposed, vulnerable, afraid. You moved with a graceful power, a masculine sweep with a gentle disposition. So thoughtful was the look in your eyes, as if you found a wounded deer in the woods and tried to sooth it. You stopped but inches from my chest and studied my face carefully, reached out your hand and with the back touched the side of my cheek. There was pain there, it was throbbing and hot, an injury I was not aware of. Your gaze then quickly moved away from my bruised cheek and to my eyes, then my lips, and you fingers carefully passed along them. Our bodies so close, yet not touching, produced so much warmth that it was comforting. The warmth was magnetic, intoxicating, surreal. Yet, you never got closer. You stood there silent, arms at your side, and planted in the sand and cold water as was I. The stillness of the moment was polarizing, time paused, the breeze slowed, the ocean hushed itself to listen to our breath synchronize.

I wanted to reach out and touch you back, but i couldn't. My arms were bound by your spell. A force that I didn't know how to conquer. A spell I didn't know how to break. So cruel, so unfair, to be that close and never taste reality. I felt my body ache, my heart burn, the emptiness and sorrow started flooding my veins. My heart pulsed, the mirrored breathing between us was interrupted by my short and rapid gasps of panic. My back was struck by an awesome pain. my shoulder blades were being pulled from my flesh. I tried to scream but the pain stole my voice, it stole my air. You stood there watching, tears streamed down your face, yet you didn't move. You watched as fear spilled it's letters all over you. My hands reached out for you, palms up, pleading for help. Still you didn't move. Some other force was keeping you there watching, tearing you apart, and frozen. Your expression stated changing as my pain intensified to the point of surrender. Looking amazed and bewildered your eyes focused above me. I was too delusional to follow your gaze, my hot tears blurred my vision. I felt the pain to slow as two huge projectiles launched themselves on either side of me. Soft yet powerful, the dark shadows arched ten feet above my head on either side making their presence known. Feathers as black as a crows covered what I identified as wings. I turned my head slowly to take a glance and a shiver ran down my spine and through my new extensions, connecting us. I tried again to reach for you, but i was still constrained. I stared into your eyes hypnotically as the black giants started to slowly move on either side of me and reach towards you. Slowly they engulfed me with their shadow and proceeded to gently warp themselves around your body. We were cocooned in them with only the moonlight peeking through. The cold ocean water stopped pushing into us, the sand released it's grip, our breath started to fill the small space between us as my dark arms tightened their grip.

The fear had vanished from your face, the bruise was gone from mine, and the pain I felt had evaporated though my body and into some other space in the universe. It happened; we touched. Bodies naked and ablaze started warping around one another, hearts pounding like Neptune's cavalry through our blood. Your hands cupping the back of my head as your pressed your warm lips into mine, merging into me, as we levitated over the water. I could feel cold drops of surf kissing my heals. I could feel your never ending grip around my waist, around my back. The emotion was so full, so strong , so real, that only tears could satisfy an outlet. The fear was gone, there was no such word in existence. Had there ever been?

The fog started to roll out, we began to panic as rays of light pierced my eye lids like needles. You started to vanish like air as I resisted to open my eyes.

I want to sleep a million years.