An after thought inspired by My Egocentric Delights Blog called Somewhere over that goddamn rainbow
The dark circles under my eyes can't even begin to explain how i feel. Somewhere along the lines of an aged ape dragging it's knuckles along a long gravel road trying to reach water in the blazing heat. The wrinkles around my eyes embedded in the thinning skin remind me that as each day flies at the speed of light, i am still here, in the same spot i was 10 years ago, only older and still searching for that genius of inspiration. My thinning hair and mal-tempered ways are my irritation with myself and all i could be but am not. The dream never reached, not yet ( do i still carry some idiotic drop of hope?), and just tired of all the attempts, the ideas, the creativity that has sucked the life out of me. Too much too fast, like a sprint instead of a steady jog through life. Perhaps he's right. My memory fails me on his quote so i have to go back and find it, how i despise aging. Here, yes...
"It’s all a big joke. Leave now. Take off at top speed homeward and fix yourself a dry martini with four parts vodka instead of the usual two. And no olives." Harry Merkin
Why these words ring true to me? I can only guess that I have found that with age my passion has transitioned to drinking, consuming a foodie diet, and cooking rather than creating anything note worthy anymore. The flames of passion are out and surrounded by a dark and cold winter storm. Buried under thick ice, perhaps a fucking glacier at this point. Mentally I think that the four parts vodka are just a stiff does of reality but backwards. The reality being the four parts, hard and burning as it goes down. The irony of it all is that I would do it to momentarily forget that I suck. A dose of reality to kill the pain? So cheers... LNOL
4 comments:
My swimming techniques are bleak at best but I find that jumping into a fairly shallow Canadian lake in mid-November, sinking deep enough to the lakebed and screaming 'does the trick' as they say. That and a full glass of whiskey on rocks.
Hold the rocks.
Funny, i thought you'd be a wine enthusiast, but whiskey would do the trick much better under such circumstances. You illustrate a scene from "Requiem for a Dream" or perhaps the "going to hell bathtub scene" from "Constantine". Either way, well done, i feel like it would be a good technique to "STFOI" aka snap the fuck out of it. Now that my senses are refreshed in some melancholy manner, i want to to ask the juvenile and perhaps lame question; have you actually done this?
It sounds like the perfect thing to do with the way that life has it's choke hold on me. At the same time it sounds liberating, it's surreal and very lonely...almost enlightening. if there is such a thing. only in movies?
ya, you're right, hold the rocks.
I've yet to familiarize myself with such movies but I will do so only with recommendations filled with grey undertones and humorous annotations. About the wine comment; I am familiar with some wine genres but am well versed in the intricacies of aged whiskeys and cultural alcoholic archetypes. In other words, I enjoy drinking booze from different countries. The preservative additives are menial in comparison to North American booze. The preservatives are the result of non-enjoyable hangovers but in my case, I actually enjoy hangovers purely for the conscious euphoric awareness especially when I’m cycling around the area, earphones engaged, blasting awesome music as I travel at top speeds in a dangerous hair blowing manner. Anyway, I’m bla bla bla-ing too much.
By the way, I have engrossed in the cold lake dip. It’s a beautiful state of environment and should be shelved only as a ‘once in a while’ type deal.
Good whiskey rules….
Are you Canadian?
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