Jealousy

I lied.
There are things i will never tell you
I protect you from my fears
i don't want you to think i am jealous
that i am threatened
I withdraw when i know you speak to her
your nickname for her stings
your welcoming acceptance of her affection stabs
the inside mementos between you two run miles inside my head
i can't compete with the time you had together
i don't want to
i get the back seat to her in public
i don't even get acknowledged in her presence
it hurts
it burns
i won't fight
i just vanish and let it go
i have no will to fight
my fighting years are over
my "i love you" is skimmed over
i will never push
it eats at my heart
it's the only one i have
the only one i will die with
i wish you would let go of the past
let go like i did mine
completely and freely
everything erased and discarded
making room for the new
with no past territories to speak of
to think of
no claims and stakes made on my heart
none on my past lovers
none on yours
cut the stings
throw away the pictures of morning afters
move forward without the collection
without the fall back
without the territories you you've marked
i come to the line with nothing in my bag
everyone can see my walls and what i hold for you
i am not ashamed
never would i change my lover to lesser for others around
it's cheap
it hurts
just tell me to leave then
and i will go
jealousy put me here