Surrender

It just doesn't matter anymore. All that is inside of me pants underneath my skin and pushes through. My spirit longs to be free, to fly, and leave these petty scenarios of stupidity behind. Everything in my existence is like a bad rash. If there is a glimmer of hope, I know that it might not last forever. I dream of my beloved one, I dream of forever, i dream of my heart having a home...I dream. I dream. I dream. I dream. I too want to sleep another 300 years. I want to wake to a surreal breath of happiness. I don't want to give others hope that there is a carbon copy of me out there waiting for them when they are ready for something more convenient. Those are the words of death;

" you give me hope that there is someone else out there like you. you give me hope that i can love again. "

I am not your hope. I don't want to hope anymore. I want certainty. I want a clear existence. I want the truth. I want it all. To finally be able to live a life that I had always dreamed of, or at least a close shot to what i would have had if i could have made better choices in life. I'm sick of dreaming. more of this and I would rather never dream again and sleep until this life bored of me. Licking my wounds and fighting my battles is now exhausting... too complicated for words, a rash that has crept under my skin like an eternal fungus.

Mercy... mercy. Let me feel the sun on my skin.