When you don't know why you do what you do anymore and it's a repetitive thing that you keep finding pleasure in, it's not longer something you control. It controls you; it's called an addiction.
It's time to get help before it destroys you beyond repair. It would be wise to ask for help. it would be wise to cast away your pride and take a walk down humble lane. To find one person inside instead of two wrestling one another.
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