Thanksgiving

I try to find something to be thankful for in these dark hallways of my life.
try to find the light switch, to reason to find happiness in all that surrounds me. but i can't lie to myself, the plain truth is the things that surround me don't make me happy, so how can i be grateful for them? Perhaps my soul is numb now...functioning on whatever it takes to make it to the next dark hall, to find a door that opens.

trying to find strength in things like that turn me off about men that i chose to love. For fucks sake, how can i possibly have anything in common with a man that finds things in common with teenagers? these little girls that just got grass on the playing field, that just finished high school?! What the fuck? Men have to be sick to entertain that kind of ego stroking?  with girls that don't know who they are, that have no wisdom, life experience, that have nothing to offer other than superficial cliches and which music or drink turn them on. I don't find men that function off fear and let fear control them attractive .  It's so idiotic, so pathetic to be in love with a man that fears his own shadow. why the fuck was i sold on the alter ego? Why do i keep searching for that door through all these dark hallways? why do i hear him calling me? somewhere, in the distance, his voice calls out and i try to find him. I've seen his heart, his dark restless heart. I won't make excuses for him, i don't put him on a pedestal that he doesn't belong on. A broken man is what he is. Lost, perhaps forever. I don't know. I can't tell the future as much as i see images flash before my eyes for hope and beauty when i think of him. In these dark places that i travel, i see life and happiness when i hear that voice. I don't care what others say, i follow my heart in these dark days,

I've seen so many things in my life. So fast it moves forward, without questions, without waiting, with out caring where you are and who you are. Life, she is brutal...