Re: Tinka

You said that you didn't know why you were writing.

I have a faint idea, let me take a stab at it. ..

Because it burns in your chest. All of it. Your whole existence has been questioned, has been challenged. You can't ignore it any longer. It's come to that; the door in your life that stands before you. The moment in your universe that won't let you go back to what you were because you have changed already. Every second that goes by, your heart burns, asks, churns with pain and logic, understanding that life has taken you down the rabbit hole. As each minute goes by your chemistry and blood have sided against the demons on your mind. Your own body is changing, warring, because it's tired of the abuse your mind has put it through. it's been too long since you felt your tender skin under the callous ; the revolution has begun. The realization of taking the blue pill and seeing the truth that has lingered and eaten at you for what seems an eternity of wasted time and space. You knew about it before you met me; " I always knew there was some one behind the one I was with, and the one after that"...

To go back to the red pill would mean to live a life filled with the emptiness that ate at you prior, to live in shadows and destruction of your being. To deny all that you have ever wanted and dreamt of. To chose that rabbit hole is to start anew, find true peace, true breath, truth in general of who you can be and what you were truly meant to do, who you were meant to love in all purity and devotion.

It's nothing short of a rebirth. To push through the channel of my light, my love and feel it's walls of compassion contracting on your soul. Being born into a new world as the same person with a clean outlook on life and all it has to offer.
Letting go. Letting go of the past and all the hoarding of garbage, the collection of empty relationships that threw you a scrap of manipulated attention you wanted for that minute in time, in your hours of endless desperation and denial. the trash that has filled your mind so that you have no room to move around anymore; suffocated by nothingness.

Let it go. Throw it all out. Clean your mind of the past, stripe the lead paint off your soul and let it breath fresh air. Allow yourself to open windows and let the fog clear out. Allow the old stale stinch that makes shit smell like a rose to evaporate. No need to let the scolding water to run so that he mirror fogs up. No need for self destruction, you have already destroyed so much that only i can still see the glimmers of truth and love that run through your vines. only i have the courage, the will and the love to go back into your burning building to search for you, risk my heart to pull you out; give you air.

Even if you don't open windows to let the steam out, it will eventually disappear and you will have to face the man in the mirror. It's inevitable. You cannot stay in this place any longer.